Marisa's Story
by tvaddictlyfe
Summary: A compelling read centered around Marisa's point of view that jumps between backstory of the characters of Marisa, Lyra and Asriel and the present journey. Based on His Dark Materials TV-Verse
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

"What is it Eloise?" Marisa didn't bother to look up, her pen still gliding across the page. Marisa's assistant Eloise meekly entered the room. Marisa's daemon sat on the windowsill eyeing Eloise.

"Sorry to bother you Mrs. Coulter, a telegram just arrived from Jordan College." At this, Marisa stopped writing and looked up at her assistant. "Who's it from?" Marisa asked. "It's from the Master of Jordan College, Mrs. Coulter." Eloise looked down at her feet deliberately trying to avoid eye contact with Mrs. Coulter.

Marisa smirked. While she didn't generally enjoy meek or as Marisa called it _weak_ personalities, she appreciated a mild mannered assistant who wouldn't cause trouble. Marisa placed her pen down onto the desk, "Leave it here, Eloise." Eloise quickly but carefully walked forward and placed the telegram onto Marisa's desk before carefully exiting the room and pulling the door shut.

Marisa picked up the telegram and held her breath as she read the first line.

_Dear Mrs. Coulter,_

_ I am writing you to enquire about the child placed in my care 12 years ago, Lyra Belacqua. As you may or may not be aware, recently, Lord Asriel presented certain theoretical ideas to the university scholars that I fear could be perceived as heresy to the Magisterium. I have already received word that Lord Boreal will be arriving this week for an inquisitorial. If the college is discovered to be guilty of perpetuating heretical ideas, academic sanctuary will not protect us, lest of all, Lyra. Lyra is a bright, intelligent, and at times rambunctious young girl, but good nonetheless. I believe with your guidance she could become a proper, well-guided, young woman. We are having a dinner for the scholars in two days' time, and if interested, it would be an opportune time for you and Lyra to meet. Please respond either way so I will know what arrangements to make._

_ Regards,_

_ Master Carne, Jordan College_

Marisa's lungs deflated as she let out all the air she'd been holding in. Her head swirled. She read the telegram three more times to make sure she'd read it correctly. Certainly this couldn't be happening. Marisa had analyzed from every angle some way she could have kept Lyra, raised her alone and none of them feasible. But here almost as if by fate, the Master of Jordan College was asking to entrust Lyra to her care. Marisa's finger ran over the line "an opportune time for you and Lyra to meet." Her and Lyra did need to meet Marisa supposed. Lyra knew nothing of her parentage. Marisa briefly wondered if the Master knew of Lyra's true parentage. She suspected he must or at least have suspicions. If he didn't then why out of all the people to ask is he asking her. And here again it seems that Asriel is not claiming responsibility. It just so happens Marisa _had _heard about Asriel's antics at the college. Spouting heretical ideas in order to get refunded for his work in the North. Asriel made this complete mess at the college and then just, left. Left Lyra with no regard for the disarray he created. Marisa felt a pang of bitterness wash over her, how familiar was she with Asriel creating complete and utter chaos and leaving with no regard for the damage he left behind.

Marisa had been enthralled in her own thoughts and failed to notice her daemon climb down the windowsill. As much as she hated it they were tethered, though she had done her best to distance him from her, he could still feel everything she felt. Marisa felt a tugging on her skirt and looked down to see her daemon, attempting to comfort but clearly testing the water's to see how much he could give. Marisa patted the desk and her daemon jumped up and sat facing her. Marisa patted his head, a rare occurrence for her. "What are we going to do hmm?"

Marisa needed time to think and the Master needed an answer now. Marisa leaned back in her overlarge desk chair. Taking Lyra would be a risk, a weakness she didn't need. And Marisa was already so busy with her work and the General Oblation Board. Yet, Marisa tapped incessantly on her desk, a nervous tick she struggled to keep contained. _Yet_, Lyra was her daughter. How many times had she imagined what it would be like if she'd kept Lyra? If things had worked out differently. And this, this was the perfect cover. Although more people knew about Mrs. Coulter's mishap, twelve years ago that resulted in the death of her husband and the stripping of Asriel's name and titles, few people knew what had become of the child, knew of Lyra's true origins. Yes, this could be the perfect cover. Marisa could train and parent Lyra, take her in as an assistant. Marisa could get to know her but keep a professional relationship to avoid attachments between the two of them. It was decided.

'Right well we need to get on with it.' Marisa thought as she stood up quickly. She'd done enough pensive thinking for the day. "ELOISE" Marisa bellowed. Eloise rushed in a few moments later "Yes, Mrs. Coulter?"

Marisa looked out her window over the city of London. "Draft a telegram to the Master of Jordan College. Tell him I will join him for dinner in two days' time. Then book me a midday airship ticket to Oxford for the day after tomorrow."

Eloise scribbled in her notebook careful not to miss any tasks Mrs. Coulter had provided. "Yes mam'. Was there anything else you needed Mrs. Coulter?"

Marisa pursued her lips, "Yes. Call my interior decorator and tell him I need him to meet me at my house tomorrow at 8am sharp. I need my guest room redesigned as I'll be having a long-term guest staying with me."


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey all hope you are enjoying so far, if like me you are completely in love with how Ruth Wilson portrays Coulter but also felt there was some serious back story missing! or that you wanted to see, I'm hoping to capture in this fic. Please review and enjoy :)_

* * *

Chapter 2

Marisa's thumb and forefinger pinched the back of her daemons neck and he groaned almost inaudibly. Marisa glanced at him and gave him a look he knew all too well. And he stayed silent as Marisa's fingers dug deeper into his neck. Marisa felt the nerves in her neck pinch though nothing was touching her own neck. This was something Marisa did when she was extremely distressed. A way to bring her back to her body and senses. It had started when she was a girl, a way to channel her nervous energy. Mrs. Coulter appeared to be perfectly contained at all times but Marisa, Marisa had thoughts and emotions and feelings and all of the things Mrs. Coulter didn't need. And sometimes Mrs. Coulter needed to rain Marisa in, not let her emotions get the better of her as had happened in the past. As Mrs. Coulter looked out upon Jordan College as the airship descended, she could feel Marisa's emotions swirling inside. Tonight was the night she was going to _meet_ Lyra. She used the term 'meet' loosely. But nonetheless Mrs. Coulter had decided it is absolutely necessary for them to keep a professional relationship, so for everyone's sake she was going to _meet_ Lyra Belacqua.

Marisa thought about the last time she had seen Lyra in person actually the last time she had been to Jordan College. Lyra had just had her fifth birthday. Marisa couldn't stand it, not knowing what was happening to her daughter. Being away from her, where she was, what she was like. Marisa had coincidentally been invited to give a lecture at Jordan College on behalf of St. Sophia's. Marisa was too afraid of someone finding her out to ask where the child being raised at Jordan College stayed and as a result had yet to see her. She had been sitting outside on a bench preparing to board her airship back to London when she saw her. Marisa saw a flash of black hair zoom by and someone yelled "LYRA BELACQUA GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT." Marisa turned to see a woman, presumably from the household staff, chasing after the little girl. My god she was boisterous, Marisa thought. Marisa saw the girl duck around the cement wall and watch the frazzled woman spin in circles, dumbfounded as to where the girl went. Marisa felt movement around her ankle and let out a high-pitched "Oh!"

She was quickly met with a loud hushing as she looked under the bench. "You're going to give me away!" The little girl exclaimed. Marisa was face to face with her daughter. "Lyra." She said under her breath. Marisa was in awe. Lyra was even more beautiful than she had imagined. Marisa was struck at how much Lyra looked like her when she was a girl. They had the same shade of black hair and tenacious energy. But there was no hiding the Asriel in her. Her face shared far more resemblances with Asriel than Marisa.

"There you are Lyra!" The woman huffed as she bent down and all but pulled Lyra out from under the bench by her armpits. "I don't want a bath!" Lyra huffed and kicked. "Sorry if she bothered you Madame." The woman said to Marisa.

Marisa smiled, "Not at all." Just then her airship opened the doors and called the first round of people to board. Marisa gathered up her belongings and glanced as the woman, now twenty yards away, as she carried Lyra back to the college. "Goodbye, Lyra." Marisa whispered under her breath.

* * *

"Mrs. Coulter." The attendant said briskly. Marisa snapped out of her trance, unaware anyone had been talking to her. "We've arrived." He continued. Marisa glanced around and realized she was the only passenger left in the airship who hadn't vacated.

Marisa smiled, "Right, I'm sorry. Tired from a long day of traveling I suppose." Marisa quickly but gracefully shuffled off the plane.

Marisa sat on the couch and leaned back. One of Jordan College's house staff was kind enough to show Marisa to her room before supper so that she could freshen up. It was 4:45pm which meant she had 15 minutes until dinner started. She should be getting ready but she needed a minute. One more minute to decide if she was really going to do this.

After Marisa had last seen Lyra when she was 5, she fell into an inexplicable hole. Struck by the guilt and pain and reminder of everything that had happened five years earlier. She shut off that side of herself. Completely renovated her character into the always perfect and collected Mrs. Coulter built up a name and a reputation for herself. Was she really willing to let that side of her in again? Though Lyra wouldn't know the truth was Marisa capable of keeping a professional relationship with Lyra without emotions getting in the way? Marisa had analyzed it from every angle and while yes the risk was great, she couldn't help but be drawn to Lyra. Desperate to forge some kind of relationship with her. And if she passed up this chance she might never get another.

Marisa took a deep breath and gathered herself, preparing to meet her daughter.

* * *

Marisa strolled in confidently as the pre-meal prayer was ending. Though Marisa usually preferred timeliness, occasionally making a statement appealed to her. And as Marisa strolled into the dining hall, her heels clacking on the tile, she could feel all eyes on her. "Good evening, Mrs. Coulter." Master said. As she approached the main dining table her eyes landed on Lyra. She looked so grown.

"Good evening, Master," Marisa said as she took her seat next to him.

"Lyra, this is Mrs. Coulter, she may be of some interest to you." Marisa had avoided making eye contact with Lyra yet.

"Oh. Hello." Lyra said inquisitively.

"I am not used to the grandeur of this at all." Marisa retorted rather awkwardly. "You'll have to tell me which knife and fork to use." Marisa said as she finally met Lyra's eyes. "I don't want to make a fool of myself."

Lyra was puzzled. "Are you a female scholar?" She finally asked.

Marisa cocked her head, "You seem surprised."

"Well, female scholars don't dress like you." Lyra stated.

She chuckled, "I'll take that as a compliment." Marisa turned towards Lyra, "No, I'm not really a scholar, I'm a member of St. Sophia's College. Most of my work takes place outside Oxford."

A boy approached with a water pitcher and filled Lyra's glass. "Hi, Lyra." He said cheerily.

Mrs. Coulter casually placed her arm up on Lyra's chair, creating a barrier so he wouldn't interrupt. Mrs. Coulter's eyes narrowed, "But I'm not interesting. You are. Tell me about yourself, Lyra."

Lyra smiled, completely enamored with the woman, "Oh, well, nothing to say, really!"

Marisa smiled, "So, reports you use the rooftops as your private thoroughfare are completely false, are they?"

Now it was Lyra's turn to cock her head, very much in the same manner as Marisa had done a few moments ago, "How do you know about that?" Lyra giggled.

Marisa grinned as they began to eat, completely enthralled with Lyra Belacqua.

As supper came to an end and the Master gave his closing remarks. Marisa leaned down to Lyra, "I wonder Lyra, if you'd be so kind as to accompany me to my suite."

Lyra nodded eagerly, "Of course Mrs. Coulter."

"You are quite something, aren't you?" Marisa said as her and Lyra exited the dining hall, trailed closely by their daemons. "I'm surprised Asriel doesn't talk about you more."

"You know my uncle?" Lyra asked perplexed.

Marisa shrugged nonchalantly, "Oh, yeah, we occasionally bump into each other at the Arctic Institute." Occasionally was right. Marisa could count on one hand the number of times she'd seen Asriel in the last twelve years. And she preferred to keep it that way. Though the last time they bumped into each other at the Arctic Institute a few years ago, Asriel had slipped Marisa a picture of Lyra. Though it was a mere 3 years ago, Lyra had grown immensely.

"You're an explorer too?!" Lyra exclaimed with a look of wonder in her eyes as she looked up at Marisa.

"Oh, that's such a grand word." Marisa said, she couldn't help but reach out and touch Lyra's cheek gently, "But, yes, I suppose I am." Mrs. Coulter said as she turned and started walking, poise resumed.

Lyra sped up to keep pace with her, "Have you? Have you ever seen an armoured bear? Or Tartars?!" She questioned.

"Well, I've negotiated with bears. It's much more tiresome than it sounds." Marisa replied diplomatically. "I've fought Tartars and that can actually be quite fun." Marisa stopped and looked at Lyra, "But does this really interest you? I am capable of being quite boring sometimes." Marisa feigned.

Lyra shook her head, "No, no, no, no. Where the North is concerned, you could never bore me." Lyra assured.

Marisa pushed open the doors to her suite, "Well, my favourite moment is early morning, when the sky is high and the land seems endless." Marisa paused, lost in her thought, "All that's in front of you is fresh unbroken snow. You feel utterly alone and you feel utterly magnificent."

"I want to feel like that." Lyra almost whispered.

Marisa smiled and yet again placed her hand on Lyra's cheek, "Take a seat, Lyra." Lyra sat down on the couch as Mrs. Coulter continued, "Lyra, do you know why I'm here?" Lyra shook her head, "The Master has asked if I can find a place for you and, naturally, I wanted to meet you first. And now that I've met you, I like you" Lyra beamed, "and I want to offer you a position as my assistant. Now, you'll need to learn fast and I won't take any slacking." Lyra vigorously shook her head, "But I think with your enthusiasm and my know-how we could make quite the team."

"We'd go to the North?" Lyra asked eagerly.

"Well, we'll go to London first." Marisa said as she took a seat next to Lyra, "And you'd have to be prepared to leave tomorrow. I have an airship booked for the both of us."

"My friend Roger, can he come too?" Lyra asked. "He's not much of an explorer, but he can cook and clean and-"

"The boy in the dining hall?" Mrs. Coulter questioned, "But I have all the household staff that I need, Lyra." She said firmly.

"He won't let you down. I need him." Lyra pleaded, "He's my best friend, my only friend. Please. He's an orphan like me and leaving Jordan College would be the most exciting thing for us."

Mrs. Coulter's eyes narrowed and she gave a small nod, "Fine. He can come." Before Marisa had realized what happened Lyra had nearly jumped into Marisa's lap and thrown her arms around her. Marisa automatically placed her arms around Lyra almost catching her, but as Lyra's hand wrapped around Marisa's neck, Marisa adjusted her arms and pulled Lyra in for a deeper hug. Unaware what the feeling was, bubbling up inside her.

Marisa abruptly pulled away at once, this embrace was thoroughly inappropriate for an assistant and superior. "Alright Lyra, I want to meet tomorrow in the main lobby at 7:30 sharp." Marisa opened the door indicating it was time to leave.

Lyra skipped out, "Yes, oh thank you Mrs. Coulter!"


End file.
